Just read Hebrews 1 and was struck with how absurd it is to live for this life only. In verses 11 and 12 we are told that this world "will wear out like old clothing." "They (the foundations) will fade away like old clothing." God "will roll it up like a worn out coat."
One day this world as we know it will be thrown away and God will make the new heaven and new earth and we who know him will experience life as He intended it. What a pity it is for those who have traded the life which is coming for this present life, which is only a shadow of things to come and will one day fade away - wear out like an old coat.
Let us who believe give our lives away to help others find and follow Christ.
Craig
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
God's Grace Is Enough
We are traveling back home today from Kentucky to our home and we look forward to seeing everyone in our church family. This has been an emotionally challenging week and today has probably been the most difficult - letting go.
My family has expressed on numerous occasions how grateful they are for your constant prayer support. God literally granted each of us His peace that is beyond comprehension. My cousin, Dan Walker, said it best, "No one has taken mom and dad's life from them. Mom and Dad gave it away for their family and friends a long time ago." Through their life, I, and many many others, saw what a family could be. Through their death I had the privilege of telling others what made them so special. My aunt and Uncle will live on not just in my memories but in my character and in the lives of my children, grandchildren, and their children.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Pray specifically the Lord will deliver us from the evil one - we are not ignorant of his schemes.
Thanks again for your love and support.
Craig
My family has expressed on numerous occasions how grateful they are for your constant prayer support. God literally granted each of us His peace that is beyond comprehension. My cousin, Dan Walker, said it best, "No one has taken mom and dad's life from them. Mom and Dad gave it away for their family and friends a long time ago." Through their life, I, and many many others, saw what a family could be. Through their death I had the privilege of telling others what made them so special. My aunt and Uncle will live on not just in my memories but in my character and in the lives of my children, grandchildren, and their children.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Pray specifically the Lord will deliver us from the evil one - we are not ignorant of his schemes.
Thanks again for your love and support.
Craig
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Why Do We Have a Men's Ministry and Not Women's
I was recently asked the question, why does Lifeway have a men's ministry and not a women's ministry? Here's the long and the short of it.
First I want to say that I understand women have unique needs that cannot be addressed in a mix setting. I also want to say I look forward to the day when God empowers us to address this important need. But the question remains, why not today?
The best way I know how to answer the question is to tell you how we start any ministry. What criteria do we use to determine when to start any ministry or if we ever start it? We use three questions:
1. The test of mission: Is this new opportunity in keeping with our mission of giving up our lives to help others find and follow Christ? That's all we do at Lifeway. That's all we will ever do. That is the purpose of the church. We who are believers make up the church and as you know, if you've been around for any time at all, our mission is not just a slogan, but our driving passion, and the grid through which we filter all opportunities.
1. The test of mission: Is this new opportunity in keeping with our mission of giving up our lives to help others find and follow Christ? That's all we do at Lifeway. That's all we will ever do. That is the purpose of the church. We who are believers make up the church and as you know, if you've been around for any time at all, our mission is not just a slogan, but our driving passion, and the grid through which we filter all opportunities.
2. The test of timing: The test of timing goes beyond the mission statement and looks at stewardship. Even if a ministry passes the first test we put it through a more rigorus test, which is timing. We can do many good things that fit with in our mission, but timing helps us manager our resources. It doesn't matter if a ministry is 100% vounteer requiring no financing at all; it will still consume our most precious resource - our people.
3. The test of leadership: Everything rises and falls on leadership. We are looking for leaders who do two things: they embody the mission of Lifeway in their personal life, and two, they are leading. There are those who say they are leaders, but the real test is, is anyone following. I've come to the conclusion that a person who says they are leading but has no one following is mistaken. In the words of John Maxwell, "a person who says they are leading, but has not one following is just taking a walk."
Every ministry must pass all three. In God's perfect timing we will have many more ministries to help people on their journey to find and follow Christ. Today as a new church we have obvious limitations, which demands judicious use. I, as well as the other pastors, trustees, and all who give wise counsel appreciate your prayers that God will make us trully wise.
I hope this helps.
Craig
Craig
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Ministry Position Opening
We are looking for a part time worker who is highly motivated to have a ministry impact. This is a paid position that requires about eight hours a week. Schedule has some flexibility, however, Monday is a must for about half of the time.
Position: Financial Administrator
Requirements:
Position: Financial Administrator
Requirements:
- Experienced with QuickBooks Pro
- Able to work Monday (preferably in the morning)
- Spiritually gifted in organization and attentive to details
- Pay Bills
- Make deposits
- Payroll
- Run reports
- Check book reconciliation
- Data entry
- Quarterly giving statements
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Helping Guests Stick
The number one factor in a person staying in a church is relationships. Research has demonstrated that everyone says their church is a friendly church. However, if you are as I, you've visited a few churches that weren't. If you've been in a church for a while you will naturally think you have a friendly church because you have friends in the church. But what about those who come to Lifeway for the first time? Do they think we are a friendly church - do we treat people in such a way that they stick? I want to share a few suggestions that will help you make Lifeway a more friendly church, but before I do let me share four compelling reasons for you to make this a priority:
1. Guests will decide in the first seven minutes of arriving if we are worth a second visit. In other words whether a person spends eternity in heaven with God or hell may very well rest on how welcoming and friendly you are.
2. MOP's - M.O.P. stands for a Moment Of Truth. A moment of truth, according to Gary L. McIntosh, in his book, Beyond the First Visit, "is when anyone comes in contact with you and forms an opinion of your church".
3. The sermon is not the message. The sermon may be the Sunday morning talk, but the message people leave with is the whole Sunday morning experience. We say at Lifeway that the message begins in the parking lot. In truth it begins the moment they encounter anyone who represents Lifeway, often that happens before they turn into the parking lot.
4. Of those we invite to church we get about two out of ten to come the first time, but we get 8.5 out of ten to stay who come back for a second time. How we treat people when they are here is the single most important factor in getting them to come back a second time.
What can you do to help?
1. Follow the 10 foot rule. The 10 foot rule says if you come within ten feet of someone you will smile and say hello. This is a little big thing. It's small, but it can make a big difference.
2. Follow the 5 minute rule. The five minute rule says that when a service ends you will spend the first five minutes looking for and conversing with guests. It is human nature to look for our friends and forget guests. Literally we forget, not ignore, but forget guests. The five minute rule will help you be friendly.
3. Guesterize yourself. Guesterize is not found in the dictionary, but this is what it means: Learn to be guest conscious. Think guest. Guest get our best, best attitude. Be cheerful. Best parking spots. Direct them to park in front of the building. Best seats. They like the end of an isle so save it for them. Best welcome. Say, "Hello. How long have you been coming to Lifeway?" This is much better than, "Is this your first time here?" Introduce yourself by name. Ask their name. Repeat their name a couple of times and it will stick. Best direction. Approach new people promptly. Take them to where they need to go, don't tell or point.
4. Be a greeter. We are all "greeters". Don't just greet when you are serving on the greeting team. Greet every week.
Remember, guests don't come with Velcro, being friendly is the best way to make them stick.
Helping others find and follow Christ.
Craig
PS - Please forward this to everyone you know in the church. Thanks.
1. Guests will decide in the first seven minutes of arriving if we are worth a second visit. In other words whether a person spends eternity in heaven with God or hell may very well rest on how welcoming and friendly you are.
2. MOP's - M.O.P. stands for a Moment Of Truth. A moment of truth, according to Gary L. McIntosh, in his book, Beyond the First Visit, "is when anyone comes in contact with you and forms an opinion of your church".
3. The sermon is not the message. The sermon may be the Sunday morning talk, but the message people leave with is the whole Sunday morning experience. We say at Lifeway that the message begins in the parking lot. In truth it begins the moment they encounter anyone who represents Lifeway, often that happens before they turn into the parking lot.
4. Of those we invite to church we get about two out of ten to come the first time, but we get 8.5 out of ten to stay who come back for a second time. How we treat people when they are here is the single most important factor in getting them to come back a second time.
What can you do to help?
1. Follow the 10 foot rule. The 10 foot rule says if you come within ten feet of someone you will smile and say hello. This is a little big thing. It's small, but it can make a big difference.
2. Follow the 5 minute rule. The five minute rule says that when a service ends you will spend the first five minutes looking for and conversing with guests. It is human nature to look for our friends and forget guests. Literally we forget, not ignore, but forget guests. The five minute rule will help you be friendly.
3. Guesterize yourself. Guesterize is not found in the dictionary, but this is what it means: Learn to be guest conscious. Think guest. Guest get our best, best attitude. Be cheerful. Best parking spots. Direct them to park in front of the building. Best seats. They like the end of an isle so save it for them. Best welcome. Say, "Hello. How long have you been coming to Lifeway?" This is much better than, "Is this your first time here?" Introduce yourself by name. Ask their name. Repeat their name a couple of times and it will stick. Best direction. Approach new people promptly. Take them to where they need to go, don't tell or point.
4. Be a greeter. We are all "greeters". Don't just greet when you are serving on the greeting team. Greet every week.
Remember, guests don't come with Velcro, being friendly is the best way to make them stick.
Helping others find and follow Christ.
Craig
PS - Please forward this to everyone you know in the church. Thanks.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
To Know and To Be Known
One of the strongest of human needs is the need for community. We want to know others and we want to be known. Patrick Lafferty in his blog post from Park Cities Presbyterian Church says it this way, "There's a song by Don Shaffer about two lovers staring contemplatively at the sunset on a warm afternoon at the beach. Breaking the silence, the girl asks her boyfriend if he ever has a deep desire to be free of all that constrains, to escape the mundane and the trivial. He pauses and replies,
Kelly, I don’t think
I’ve ever wanted as much
To be free as I’ve longed to be known
And of the things that I hate
When I look at my life
The worst is my being alone
I’ve ever wanted as much
To be free as I’ve longed to be known
And of the things that I hate
When I look at my life
The worst is my being alone
Lafferty observes, "The boyfriend's unpremeditated comment has the unintended consequence of awakening her to the same conclusion. She, too—despite all her desires to be unencumbered by the tedium and travail of this life—longs to be known."
Think about it. We join the Scouts, pledge to sororities, play on teams, form clubs, all for a variety of reasons, but one of the most compelling is the need to know and to be known. We don't want to be alone. It is not healthy to be alone. In the early hours of the sixth day of creation God looked and saw what he had made and said, "It is not good for man to be alone." Some times we don't want to take the time to build community. Some times we live in denial of the need, but we are never better for it.
Think about it. We join the Scouts, pledge to sororities, play on teams, form clubs, all for a variety of reasons, but one of the most compelling is the need to know and to be known. We don't want to be alone. It is not healthy to be alone. In the early hours of the sixth day of creation God looked and saw what he had made and said, "It is not good for man to be alone." Some times we don't want to take the time to build community. Some times we live in denial of the need, but we are never better for it.
Everyone knows relationships are not easy. But anyone who has invested deeply in community has learned it is worth the effort. Of all the groups you could join to fix your aloneness none have more potential than a LifeGroup. In LifeGroups you have the opportunity to fix your aloneness while growing in your relationship with God and others. In a healthy community we are encouraged, shaped, and sharpened by one another to live life as God intended it. I'm convinced we will never experience life as God intended us to know it apart from living it in community with other believers.
It is worth your effort to find a LifeGroup and develop your community. Right now before you log off the internet click on the link at the right and join a LifeGroup. Find a LifeGroup
Craig
Craig
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Is Celebrate Recovery Right for Me?
Who is CR for anyway? The common perception is that CR is for those who have addictions to things like, pornography, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc. However, while that is true, it is only partly true. CR is for anyone with a hurt, habit, or hang up. That my friends is just about all of us.
I've never met a person yet that made it into adulthood without suffering significant wounds to their soul - and I'm certainly not the exception. Debbie and I have both benefited from counseling tremendously.
How can you know if you need the help of CR? I would say if you have an area in your life where you consistently do what you know is not right and do not do what is right you would benefit from the help of CR. I'm talking about things as seemingly as insignificant as: controlling your spending (living on and within your budget), getting out of debt, overcoming a critical spirit, exercising self-control over your words, time usage, and diet. All of these and more are indications Celebrate Recovery may be right for you.
If you would like additional information on Lifeway's CR program click this link: Lifeway's Celebrate Recovery
I've never met a person yet that made it into adulthood without suffering significant wounds to their soul - and I'm certainly not the exception. Debbie and I have both benefited from counseling tremendously.
How can you know if you need the help of CR? I would say if you have an area in your life where you consistently do what you know is not right and do not do what is right you would benefit from the help of CR. I'm talking about things as seemingly as insignificant as: controlling your spending (living on and within your budget), getting out of debt, overcoming a critical spirit, exercising self-control over your words, time usage, and diet. All of these and more are indications Celebrate Recovery may be right for you.
If you would like additional information on Lifeway's CR program click this link: Lifeway's Celebrate Recovery
Friday, August 13, 2010
Which Is Most Important, Evangelism or Discipleship?
A deceptive title, I know. But it probably caught your attention and you probably have an opinion. But before you express it think about this. Where should the church put the lion's share of it's resources - in reaching the lost or in teaching? To gain a definitive answer we not look any further than what is called "The Great Commission".
"Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” Matthew 28:18-20.
Jesus had completed his work of redemption. The cross and the tomb are now behind him. He is no longer the "suffering servant", he is the reigning King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and his mandate to the church is to make disciples. What is important to understand in this passage is there is only one main verb, "make disciples", and three participles, which define what it means to make disciples. The first participle is "go", the second is "baptize", the third is "teach". The command to make disciples involves going (evangelism - telling the good news), baptizing (fellowship - identifying with Christ and his church), and instruction (teaching all God's word and helping the believer grow in obedience to Christ).
There was serious confusion in the church I grew up in over the definition of discipleship, which was only been thought of in terms of teaching. The consequence has been a degeneration of what I call real evangelism. The preaching of the gospel was thought of only as proclaiming a message, Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:1-3). The belief was if you get a person saved (evangelism) then you follow up with teaching (discipleship).
I've always found it interesting that Jesus himself didn't separate evangelism from discipleship. In practice Jesus called the twelve who were unbelievers whom he taught about the kingdom of God (that God wants to rule in your life), convinced them that he is who he says he is and he can do everything he says he can do, and then he gave them the ministry to go and make disciples.
The better question is not which is more important, but does our practice of evangelism produce a convert (evangelism) that connects with Christ and his Church (baptism), and grows in obedience to all of Christ's commands (teaching). That is real evangelism! That is discipleship! The church that remains true to this mission cannot fail. Jesus said, "I will build my church", and "I will be with you to the end of the age."
"Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” Matthew 28:18-20.
Jesus had completed his work of redemption. The cross and the tomb are now behind him. He is no longer the "suffering servant", he is the reigning King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and his mandate to the church is to make disciples. What is important to understand in this passage is there is only one main verb, "make disciples", and three participles, which define what it means to make disciples. The first participle is "go", the second is "baptize", the third is "teach". The command to make disciples involves going (evangelism - telling the good news), baptizing (fellowship - identifying with Christ and his church), and instruction (teaching all God's word and helping the believer grow in obedience to Christ).
There was serious confusion in the church I grew up in over the definition of discipleship, which was only been thought of in terms of teaching. The consequence has been a degeneration of what I call real evangelism. The preaching of the gospel was thought of only as proclaiming a message, Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:1-3). The belief was if you get a person saved (evangelism) then you follow up with teaching (discipleship).
I've always found it interesting that Jesus himself didn't separate evangelism from discipleship. In practice Jesus called the twelve who were unbelievers whom he taught about the kingdom of God (that God wants to rule in your life), convinced them that he is who he says he is and he can do everything he says he can do, and then he gave them the ministry to go and make disciples.
The better question is not which is more important, but does our practice of evangelism produce a convert (evangelism) that connects with Christ and his Church (baptism), and grows in obedience to all of Christ's commands (teaching). That is real evangelism! That is discipleship! The church that remains true to this mission cannot fail. Jesus said, "I will build my church", and "I will be with you to the end of the age."
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Church Growth
When we talk about church growth at Lifeway what are we saying? To us church growth is why we exist. We boldly proclaim that our mission is to give our lives away to help others find and follow Christ. We believe a person really hasn't experienced life until he or she has given up his life for the sake of Jesus and his mission. In Mark 8:35 Jesus said, "He that holds on to his life will lose it, but the one who gives up his life for my sake and the gospel's will find it."
For us church growth is not a numbers game, but an intentional process of bringing people to Christ, assimilating them into the church and equipping them for ministry. We are not content to lead a person to make a decision, but to become a disciple. As we have said many times in the past, we are not content to give out information, we are here for transformation. Jesus said it this way, "Go into all the world making disciples..." then he immediately went on to define what that looks like, "baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit teaching them to obey all that I commanded you." Jesus concluded by saying, if you make this the main thing, "I will be with you until the end of the age." What a great guarantee. At Lifeway we believe that the church grows as people who love God and others cooperate with him to reach those who are far away from him. As for people in our day who have defined church growth I think Gary L. McIntosh defined it best, church growth means, "all that is involved in bringing men and women who do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ into fellowship with him and into responsible church membership" (Biblical Church Growth, by Gary L. McIntosh page 18).
Join us on the adventure of a life-time and experience what it means to really live.
For us church growth is not a numbers game, but an intentional process of bringing people to Christ, assimilating them into the church and equipping them for ministry. We are not content to lead a person to make a decision, but to become a disciple. As we have said many times in the past, we are not content to give out information, we are here for transformation. Jesus said it this way, "Go into all the world making disciples..." then he immediately went on to define what that looks like, "baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit teaching them to obey all that I commanded you." Jesus concluded by saying, if you make this the main thing, "I will be with you until the end of the age." What a great guarantee. At Lifeway we believe that the church grows as people who love God and others cooperate with him to reach those who are far away from him. As for people in our day who have defined church growth I think Gary L. McIntosh defined it best, church growth means, "all that is involved in bringing men and women who do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ into fellowship with him and into responsible church membership" (Biblical Church Growth, by Gary L. McIntosh page 18).
Join us on the adventure of a life-time and experience what it means to really live.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Purpose of the Church
On Tuesday of this week I had lunch with Brandon Thomas. Brandon is the at Keystone Church in Keller, TX. We talked about a lot of things, but one thing we both are passionate about is the purpose of the church. One thing that makes Keystone and Lifeway different from many churches is our position on the purpose of the church. The prevailing model of the church says, "the church exists to teach, equip, and care for the believer, and to evangelize the lost." I told Brandon, "I believe that definition is dangerously close to being right. At this point Brandon chimed in with, "I tell our people to accept that definition of the church is to tell our grandchildren, 'You can go to hell.'" He is so right. The prevailing model of the church lends itself to a, "the church is here for me", mentality. Sure we say, "...and evangelize the lost", but so often we never get around to doing it because we have too many needs of our own that keep getting in the way. If, however, we accept what I believe is a Biblical model of the church that church is made up of believers who exist to reach those who do not know or trust God then we derive many benefits from belonging to such a church. We, like members of our human body, are nurtured, equipped, cared for, and experience tremendous community and discover incredible significance.
We can't afford to get this wrong - better yet - our grandchildren can't afford for us to get this wrong.
"If we give up our life for his sake AND THE GOSPEL'S we will find it (life)", Mark 8:35 (emphasis added).
Make the most of this summer. Invest in some one you can invite to church and ultimately to know Christ. Invite them over for a cookout or take them out for ice cream. Earn the relationship and the right to be heard and invite them to church.
We can't afford to get this wrong - better yet - our grandchildren can't afford for us to get this wrong.
"If we give up our life for his sake AND THE GOSPEL'S we will find it (life)", Mark 8:35 (emphasis added).
Make the most of this summer. Invest in some one you can invite to church and ultimately to know Christ. Invite them over for a cookout or take them out for ice cream. Earn the relationship and the right to be heard and invite them to church.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
STEPS
How can you become a fully mature follower of Christ? How does a person go from a casual attender at church to a leader in his church? You take steps! No one arrives at spiritual maturity over night and no one arrives at spiritual maturity by accident. Becoming like Christ requires intentionality and upward progress over a long period of time - one step at a time. As simple and obvious as it seems I've met few leaders who understand this (that's a subject for another day).
Think about your own life. How did you get to where you are today? You took steps. For me I went to church once - that was my first step. I liked it and decided to go back - my second step. I kept going back semi-regularly until a man invited Debbie and me to be a part of his small group and we went - that was my third step. I continued to grow in my understanding and knowledge of the Lord until one day I was asked to teach a small group - my fourth step. Leading a small group was a challenge that caused me to see my need of regular Bible study and prayer - a fifth step. Honestly, I'm still taking steps.
Some time today go out and take a walk. Walk for ten minutes without stopping then turn around and see how far you have gone. It may surpise you just how far you can get in a short time, one step at a time if you just keep walking.
Now take another step toward Christ and keep taking steps and in time you too will be surprised at how far you've come in a short time.
Take the apostle Paul's advise: "Forgetting what's behind us (how many steps you've not taken) and press forward to what lies ahead..."
Keep on stepping!
Think about your own life. How did you get to where you are today? You took steps. For me I went to church once - that was my first step. I liked it and decided to go back - my second step. I kept going back semi-regularly until a man invited Debbie and me to be a part of his small group and we went - that was my third step. I continued to grow in my understanding and knowledge of the Lord until one day I was asked to teach a small group - my fourth step. Leading a small group was a challenge that caused me to see my need of regular Bible study and prayer - a fifth step. Honestly, I'm still taking steps.
Some time today go out and take a walk. Walk for ten minutes without stopping then turn around and see how far you have gone. It may surpise you just how far you can get in a short time, one step at a time if you just keep walking.
Now take another step toward Christ and keep taking steps and in time you too will be surprised at how far you've come in a short time.
Take the apostle Paul's advise: "Forgetting what's behind us (how many steps you've not taken) and press forward to what lies ahead..."
Keep on stepping!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Update on the Arriaga project, by Marty and Kim Newman
We have lots of great news to report, and praise for our God who has provided.
A quick recap....our priorities for this project were the things that needed to be done in order for the Arriaga family to move into their house. Not only does the house provide them more space, and comfort for Martin, but would also allow them to rent their trailer and create some income, since Martin can no longer work. So, our priorities were (in order) to complete the electrical, install HVAC, install plumbing for the kitchen, and install cabinets and appliances for the kitchen. Once these things are done, the family can move in.
So, we completed the electrical thanks to donated money for supplies and donated time from Monty Ehret to oversee and coordinate. This expense was just under $1,000.
We installed the HVAC last Thursday, with donated funds, and several volunteers helping Tim Looper and his crew, who donated their time. This expense was $3,200, which was the cost for the AC unit, a furnace, and all ductwork and supplies. At the time we installed this last Thursday, we were $850 short of the $3,200. Guess how much money was donated last week, including Sunday's "Angel Tree"? Yes, $850. HVAC is done and paid for! This was by far our largest expense. Our next prioritized need was plumbing, cabinets, countertops, and a refrigerator to complete the kitchen so the family could move. Unfortunately, we are currently out of donated money.
In the last couple of weeks however, we have also picked up many more names of people who want to help. Martin Arriaga's brothers know a plumber who has agreed to complete the work at no charge. Jeff and Laurie Johnson are a couple that has asked to get involved as well as Jeff and Grace Fox. The Johnson's happen to have a family friend who makes custom cabinets. We are meeting them at the house today to measure, and their family friend has agreed to donate the cabinets, and the Johnsons will donate the countertops! Finally, the Fox's happen to have a refrigerator in storage they are not using, and have agreed to donate that as well! So, despite being out of money, the pieces needed to complete the kitchen are all available to us at no cost. It's very clear to me, that God's hand is helping us with this project. What a blessing it has been for Kim and I to witness this.
So, what's next? There are still many "punch list" type items that need to be done. Thankfully, most of these are more labor intensive and less costly than the things we have been dealing with. As I said before, we have many people that have offered their time to this project. Kim and I will work up a "punch list" of these things and distribute to all. These are things like painting interior trim, hardware for interior doors and some cosmetic work to the exterior of the house. What can you do in the meantime? First, continue to pray for this family and give thanks to our God who has already provided so much. Second, share this email and our "punch list" when you get it, with anyone else you can think of that might be able to help.
Thanks to all of you for being involved.
In His name,
Marty and Kim.
A quick recap....our priorities for this project were the things that needed to be done in order for the Arriaga family to move into their house. Not only does the house provide them more space, and comfort for Martin, but would also allow them to rent their trailer and create some income, since Martin can no longer work. So, our priorities were (in order) to complete the electrical, install HVAC, install plumbing for the kitchen, and install cabinets and appliances for the kitchen. Once these things are done, the family can move in.
So, we completed the electrical thanks to donated money for supplies and donated time from Monty Ehret to oversee and coordinate. This expense was just under $1,000.
We installed the HVAC last Thursday, with donated funds, and several volunteers helping Tim Looper and his crew, who donated their time. This expense was $3,200, which was the cost for the AC unit, a furnace, and all ductwork and supplies. At the time we installed this last Thursday, we were $850 short of the $3,200. Guess how much money was donated last week, including Sunday's "Angel Tree"? Yes, $850. HVAC is done and paid for! This was by far our largest expense. Our next prioritized need was plumbing, cabinets, countertops, and a refrigerator to complete the kitchen so the family could move. Unfortunately, we are currently out of donated money.
In the last couple of weeks however, we have also picked up many more names of people who want to help. Martin Arriaga's brothers know a plumber who has agreed to complete the work at no charge. Jeff and Laurie Johnson are a couple that has asked to get involved as well as Jeff and Grace Fox. The Johnson's happen to have a family friend who makes custom cabinets. We are meeting them at the house today to measure, and their family friend has agreed to donate the cabinets, and the Johnsons will donate the countertops! Finally, the Fox's happen to have a refrigerator in storage they are not using, and have agreed to donate that as well! So, despite being out of money, the pieces needed to complete the kitchen are all available to us at no cost. It's very clear to me, that God's hand is helping us with this project. What a blessing it has been for Kim and I to witness this.
So, what's next? There are still many "punch list" type items that need to be done. Thankfully, most of these are more labor intensive and less costly than the things we have been dealing with. As I said before, we have many people that have offered their time to this project. Kim and I will work up a "punch list" of these things and distribute to all. These are things like painting interior trim, hardware for interior doors and some cosmetic work to the exterior of the house. What can you do in the meantime? First, continue to pray for this family and give thanks to our God who has already provided so much. Second, share this email and our "punch list" when you get it, with anyone else you can think of that might be able to help.
Thanks to all of you for being involved.
In His name,
Marty and Kim.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
So You Want To Be An Expert?
What is an expert anyway? I once was told an "expert" is a drip under pressure. I don't know about that, but I do know there are stages of learning we all will pass through on the way to becoming good at anything. Here are the phases:
1. Phase 1 - we begin our journey as "consciously incompetent. That means we don't know what we don't know. When a person is in this stage they are not as much fun to be around because they don't know but they often think they do know. They are unconsciously incompetent.
2. Phase 2 - we become "consciously incompetent". That means we now know we don't know. This is a lot better a place to be. At least now we can begin looking for answers to our ignorance.
3. Phase 3 - we become "consciously competent". We have learned a few things, enough to function with thought. We can perform the basic task something like when learning to drive a stick shift automobile. It's not automatic in your mind, but you can think it through, "first gear is hear, give it gas, slowly let the clutch slip until you are going, then push the clutch as you let off the gas, put it in second..." You can consciously perform the task.
4. Phase 4 - we become experts. An expert performs the task without thinking too much about it. He or she just knows what to do - it becomes second nature. They are able then to even teach others. This level of expertise require much training, reading, study, mentoring, and hands on experience. It doesn't come cheap. The experts say, "it takes 1000 hours of training in a particular field to become an expert.
There are two more levels of learning. They are 5, "Master" (requires about 5000 hours of training, and 6, "Virtuoso", which requires about 10,000 hours of training. Not many arrive at Master level and precious few at Virtuoso.
The man leading my coaching group, Nelson Searcy, is a master at church systems.
Here's my question. What can you become an expert at doing? Pick a field and go for it. There is little reward for being "consciously competent" at anything.
Proverbs 22:29 "do you see a man skilled at his work? He will stand before king and not obscure people."
1. Phase 1 - we begin our journey as "consciously incompetent. That means we don't know what we don't know. When a person is in this stage they are not as much fun to be around because they don't know but they often think they do know. They are unconsciously incompetent.
2. Phase 2 - we become "consciously incompetent". That means we now know we don't know. This is a lot better a place to be. At least now we can begin looking for answers to our ignorance.
3. Phase 3 - we become "consciously competent". We have learned a few things, enough to function with thought. We can perform the basic task something like when learning to drive a stick shift automobile. It's not automatic in your mind, but you can think it through, "first gear is hear, give it gas, slowly let the clutch slip until you are going, then push the clutch as you let off the gas, put it in second..." You can consciously perform the task.
4. Phase 4 - we become experts. An expert performs the task without thinking too much about it. He or she just knows what to do - it becomes second nature. They are able then to even teach others. This level of expertise require much training, reading, study, mentoring, and hands on experience. It doesn't come cheap. The experts say, "it takes 1000 hours of training in a particular field to become an expert.
There are two more levels of learning. They are 5, "Master" (requires about 5000 hours of training, and 6, "Virtuoso", which requires about 10,000 hours of training. Not many arrive at Master level and precious few at Virtuoso.
The man leading my coaching group, Nelson Searcy, is a master at church systems.
Here's my question. What can you become an expert at doing? Pick a field and go for it. There is little reward for being "consciously competent" at anything.
Proverbs 22:29 "do you see a man skilled at his work? He will stand before king and not obscure people."
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Rest
I don't know about you but I'm tired of asking people, "How you doing?" and hearing the same one word answer, "Tired!" Here's a novel idea. If you are tired, rest! .
It isn't a suggestion it's actually a command. In fact God set the example, "He completed his work on the sixth day and on the seventh he rested." I don't know if it is a sin or not to not take a day off, but I can tell you from experience and studies it is not smart.
It is proven that you can actually get more done in six days with a day off to rest than you can in seven if you work straight through. Did you know that God even required farmers to give the ground a rest. It makes sense that if God rested and he demanded the ground be given a rest its probably a good idea for you and me.
Enough said, when are you going to take some time off?
It isn't a suggestion it's actually a command. In fact God set the example, "He completed his work on the sixth day and on the seventh he rested." I don't know if it is a sin or not to not take a day off, but I can tell you from experience and studies it is not smart.
It is proven that you can actually get more done in six days with a day off to rest than you can in seven if you work straight through. Did you know that God even required farmers to give the ground a rest. It makes sense that if God rested and he demanded the ground be given a rest its probably a good idea for you and me.
Enough said, when are you going to take some time off?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
How to Find Praise Worthy Qualities in Your Spouse
Do you have trouble finding things to rave about in your spouse. Here's a quick tip to change everything: find the negatives and recast them as positives. Is your husband or wife impatient? Recast that quality in a positive way, "My husband is intense." Do you think your wife is a slob? Recast that quality in a positive light: "My wife is casual." I know it may seem a bit loony at first but when you understand the wisdom behind it, it starts to make sense. Research shows that your perceptions not only color your current reality, they actually altar your relationship and create your future reality.
What I am suggesting is this: find the most generous explanation for your spouses behavior and believe it. This is actually a quality of Biblical love, "Love believes all things."
Give it a try! It could change your marriage. It is better than complaining. :)
What I am suggesting is this: find the most generous explanation for your spouses behavior and believe it. This is actually a quality of Biblical love, "Love believes all things."
Give it a try! It could change your marriage. It is better than complaining. :)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
How to help a miserable marriage
Acts of kindness. Even God knows the compelling nature of acts of kindness. The Bible says, "the kindness of God leads to repentance." Never under estimate the power of small things done with the right attitude.
Steve Sjogren says, "I have a saying that explains things well: 'Small things done with great love will change the world.'"
Be careful of attempting or expecting too much. When we try to do things on a large scale we end up making a mess of it all. Yet as we sign on for small things that are done consistently over the long haul we end up doing lasting things. God is able to take our small things and make them line up to become something great. God loves to breathe upon our acts of faithfulness and in turn make something great out of them.
Steve Sjogren says, "I have a saying that explains things well: 'Small things done with great love will change the world.'"
Be careful of attempting or expecting too much. When we try to do things on a large scale we end up making a mess of it all. Yet as we sign on for small things that are done consistently over the long haul we end up doing lasting things. God is able to take our small things and make them line up to become something great. God loves to breathe upon our acts of faithfulness and in turn make something great out of them.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
My Miserable Marriage
What if I'm in a miserable marriage? The sad truth is many people I know are in miserable marriages. As one lady put it, "I pray everyday for God to get me out of this hell." We come into marriage with high hopes and expectations, but all to often they become more like a pipe dream leaving us empty, frustrated, and demanding more or just giving up.
Where do you start to transform a miserable marriage? You start by acting like God - not by acting like you are God - that's part of the problem in the first place. You don't have the position to make demands as God does, but you can act like God by learning to love like God. How does God love you? He made a choice to love you. Before you were born, before he created anything, before you had a chance to do anything good or bad God loved you - he chose to love you.
"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes", Ephesians 1:4 NLT (emphasis added.
Make the choice today, "I will love my spouse." That does not mean you can choose to feel loving, it does mean you can choose to act loving. Before you click out of this blog let me ask you to do one thing: Decide on one tangible way you will show your love to your spouse today. What is it?
Check back in a couple of days and we'll take another step toward transforming a miserable marriage.
Where do you start to transform a miserable marriage? You start by acting like God - not by acting like you are God - that's part of the problem in the first place. You don't have the position to make demands as God does, but you can act like God by learning to love like God. How does God love you? He made a choice to love you. Before you were born, before he created anything, before you had a chance to do anything good or bad God loved you - he chose to love you.
"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes", Ephesians 1:4 NLT (emphasis added.
Make the choice today, "I will love my spouse." That does not mean you can choose to feel loving, it does mean you can choose to act loving. Before you click out of this blog let me ask you to do one thing: Decide on one tangible way you will show your love to your spouse today. What is it?
Check back in a couple of days and we'll take another step toward transforming a miserable marriage.
Friday, May 14, 2010
6 Degrees of Separation
Understanding the context of this series is essential to get the most out of the teaching. Where did we come up with the idea that Jesus was dealing with six things that separate us from God? Actually, as you keep reading you'll see that Jesus dealt with many more things in this great sermon. But to be real transparent, Jesus didn't teach on six things that separate us from God. Really, there is only one.
To understand that you have to take into account 5:1-11 where Jesus teaches the true religion is not a matter of external dos and don't. True religion is a matter of the heart -- its an attitude that says, "I want to please you with my whole being." However, the attitude of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees was, "let's just do what we have to because no one can keep the whole law." Interestingly enough, that was what God wanted them to conclude (see Galatians 3:24). The law is our teacher to show us we can never be perfect, therefore, we need a savior to deliver us from sin's penalty and power (Romans 8:1-3). The one and only thing that separates us from God is our lack of trust. We fail to trust that God has our best interest at heart. When he speaks he speaks for our good. When he says, "don't" it is for our good. When he says, "do" it is for our good. Because we trust him we say, "Father, I will obey you because I trust you."
For further study see Romans 4 and look at the life of Abraham (see verse 21-22).
To understand that you have to take into account 5:1-11 where Jesus teaches the true religion is not a matter of external dos and don't. True religion is a matter of the heart -- its an attitude that says, "I want to please you with my whole being." However, the attitude of the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees was, "let's just do what we have to because no one can keep the whole law." Interestingly enough, that was what God wanted them to conclude (see Galatians 3:24). The law is our teacher to show us we can never be perfect, therefore, we need a savior to deliver us from sin's penalty and power (Romans 8:1-3). The one and only thing that separates us from God is our lack of trust. We fail to trust that God has our best interest at heart. When he speaks he speaks for our good. When he says, "don't" it is for our good. When he says, "do" it is for our good. Because we trust him we say, "Father, I will obey you because I trust you."
For further study see Romans 4 and look at the life of Abraham (see verse 21-22).
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
IMPROVE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Your self-esteem is critically important. Everything you do in life from choosing the person you will marry, the career you will seek, the hobbies you persue, the way you respond to criticism or praise is all dependent on your sense of self-esteem. Your self-esteem is your mental picture of self, what do you think about yourself. The Bible says, "As a man thinks within himself, so is he." Your self-image has tremendous power to work for you or against you. Therefore, it is essential we develop a healthy self-image.
Here are five essentials for developing a healthy self-esteem.
1. Recognize you are not alone in your struggle. Dennis and Barbara Rainey were amazed when they began hosting marriage life conferences to discover that the rich and famous, the banker, superstar athlete, and the super model all struggle to accept themselves. When you begin to watch the signs of self-rejection you’ll begin to see them in the most popular kids at school. Everyone struggles with a low-self image. EVERYONE.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. James Dobson says, “Comparison is the root of a low-self worth.” You can’t win when you compare yourself to others because there is ALWAYS someone who makes you look inferior. Paul said, "When you compare and class yourself with others you are without understanding.” That means you lose your point of reference. Stop it! Commit to God you will deal with this. Agree to confess it to a friend. Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:12 "We are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding."
3. Focus on your areas of strengths. When you serve, work, compete in an area where you have natural abilities you experience success. Do things that make you proud of yourself. There is nothing like success to help a person feel good about themselves.
4. Be a friend. This step could easily be "apply the principle of sowing and reaping." Here's what I'm talking about. Everyone around you is struggling with self-esteem issues. When someone does something dumb you can do one of two things. You can laugh and make what they did known or you can cover for the person and be a friend. You can bet if you reveal their mistake it will come back to you. In the same way if you cover for them you can bet that it will come back to you as well. Your new friend will look for ways to protect you and build into your self-worth. When you realize this you will be better equipped to make friends and to make use of the law of sowing and reaping.
5. Face your fears. There is no way around it. Sooner or later you have to face the monster that has kept you trapped for years. Get alone and identify the things you least like about yourself (make a list). After you make the list go back and identify the ones that plague you most. Which ones most occupy your thought life? Next share your struggles with a trusted friend who will help you deal with and overcome these things.
What about those things you can’t change? The wisest thing you can do is change the things you can and accept the things you can’t - remember the serenity prayer – “Lord, grant me the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to accept the things I cannot.” It is these things you cannot change that make you unique and are shaping you for a greater service and preparing you to experience God’s power in a greater way (2 Corinthians 12). Facing your fears is huge. Once I had accepted my limitations they didn’t go away, therefore, I had to chose to not let them control me. I faced them head on and they rarely attack me any more, but when they do I come back to this step - change the things I can and accept the things I can't.
6. Recall who God used most. God has always chosen people with weaknesses to change the world (I.e. Moses (not a good speaker) Paul (not very good looking, maybe even ugly or gross from an eye diseases) David (young and inexperienced), the disciples (psychological studies have been done on the 11 as presented in the N.T. and it is estimated that not one had an IQ over 100. That’s low. None of these guys would make it in our school systems today). God said, “I have chosen the weak and foolish of this world to shame the wise.”
May you, like Paul and countless others, find God's grace sufficient for you. "His power is perfected in weakness."
Craig
Here are five essentials for developing a healthy self-esteem.
1. Recognize you are not alone in your struggle. Dennis and Barbara Rainey were amazed when they began hosting marriage life conferences to discover that the rich and famous, the banker, superstar athlete, and the super model all struggle to accept themselves. When you begin to watch the signs of self-rejection you’ll begin to see them in the most popular kids at school. Everyone struggles with a low-self image. EVERYONE.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. James Dobson says, “Comparison is the root of a low-self worth.” You can’t win when you compare yourself to others because there is ALWAYS someone who makes you look inferior. Paul said, "When you compare and class yourself with others you are without understanding.” That means you lose your point of reference. Stop it! Commit to God you will deal with this. Agree to confess it to a friend. Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:12 "We are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding."
3. Focus on your areas of strengths. When you serve, work, compete in an area where you have natural abilities you experience success. Do things that make you proud of yourself. There is nothing like success to help a person feel good about themselves.
4. Be a friend. This step could easily be "apply the principle of sowing and reaping." Here's what I'm talking about. Everyone around you is struggling with self-esteem issues. When someone does something dumb you can do one of two things. You can laugh and make what they did known or you can cover for the person and be a friend. You can bet if you reveal their mistake it will come back to you. In the same way if you cover for them you can bet that it will come back to you as well. Your new friend will look for ways to protect you and build into your self-worth. When you realize this you will be better equipped to make friends and to make use of the law of sowing and reaping.
5. Face your fears. There is no way around it. Sooner or later you have to face the monster that has kept you trapped for years. Get alone and identify the things you least like about yourself (make a list). After you make the list go back and identify the ones that plague you most. Which ones most occupy your thought life? Next share your struggles with a trusted friend who will help you deal with and overcome these things.
What about those things you can’t change? The wisest thing you can do is change the things you can and accept the things you can’t - remember the serenity prayer – “Lord, grant me the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to accept the things I cannot.” It is these things you cannot change that make you unique and are shaping you for a greater service and preparing you to experience God’s power in a greater way (2 Corinthians 12). Facing your fears is huge. Once I had accepted my limitations they didn’t go away, therefore, I had to chose to not let them control me. I faced them head on and they rarely attack me any more, but when they do I come back to this step - change the things I can and accept the things I can't.
6. Recall who God used most. God has always chosen people with weaknesses to change the world (I.e. Moses (not a good speaker) Paul (not very good looking, maybe even ugly or gross from an eye diseases) David (young and inexperienced), the disciples (psychological studies have been done on the 11 as presented in the N.T. and it is estimated that not one had an IQ over 100. That’s low. None of these guys would make it in our school systems today). God said, “I have chosen the weak and foolish of this world to shame the wise.”
May you, like Paul and countless others, find God's grace sufficient for you. "His power is perfected in weakness."
Craig
Thursday, April 1, 2010
R & R - Recognize and Resist Spiritual Attack
How do I know when I'm under attack, spiritually? Some times it is just obvious. Everything goes haywire before the big day. Your car breaks down, your kid gets in trouble at school, your friend says something really hurtful, etc. But some times it is not so obvious. Here is one thing to watch out for: Distractions.
Some times things go really well. No real problems. You've got time to invite your friends to join you Easter; you've got time to pray and fast for God's power to be unleashed. But you don't. You get distracted. Just as you kneel to pray your phone rings or a text chirps its arrival. You start out the door to see your friend and suddenly you remember you forgot to drop off the cleaning, or you remember an email you should have sent. Distractions are an attack of the enemy as surely as troubles are.
Don't give in to the attacks. R & R. You could be the difference between heaven and hell for someone. Make that visit. Take time to pray. You can make the difference.
Some times things go really well. No real problems. You've got time to invite your friends to join you Easter; you've got time to pray and fast for God's power to be unleashed. But you don't. You get distracted. Just as you kneel to pray your phone rings or a text chirps its arrival. You start out the door to see your friend and suddenly you remember you forgot to drop off the cleaning, or you remember an email you should have sent. Distractions are an attack of the enemy as surely as troubles are.
Don't give in to the attacks. R & R. You could be the difference between heaven and hell for someone. Make that visit. Take time to pray. You can make the difference.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Fasting - Overview
What is fasting? Abstaining from something, usually food, for spiritual purposes.
What does the Bible say?
Biblical examples: Moses (Exodus 34:28; Deut. 9:9,18), David (2 Samuel 12:16), Elijah (1 Kings 19:8), Nehemiah (Nehemiah 1:4); Esther (Esther 4:16), Daniel (Daniel 1:12), Anna (Luke 2:37), Paul (Acts 14:23), Jesus (Matthew 4:1-2), the early church (13:2).
Jesus placed fasting on the same level as financial giving and prayer (Matthew 6:1-18).
Jesus said that there is a time for fasting (Matthew 9:15).
Paul says we should give ourselves at times to prayer and fasting (1 Corinthians 7:5).
What is the purpose of fasting?
The primary purpose of fasting is to focus on God and to center our attention on Him. In doing so, we glorify God (Zechariah 7:5).
Outer fasting is to lead to inner prayer, worship, and devotion. We “fast on food so we can feast on God.”
Fasting is not for personal glory or any other selfish motives (Matthew 6:16-18).
Secondary purposes of fasting: fasting can reveal non-essential things that control us and take precedence in our lives (1 Corinthians 6:12); fasting can increase the effectiveness of prayer (2 Samuel 12:16); fasting can bring guidance from God in decisions (Acts 14:23); fasting can bring revelations (Acts 13:2); fasting can help our physical well-being (Daniel 1:12); fasting can aid in concentration; fasting can help bring deliverance for those who are in bondage.
What are the different types of fast?
absolute fast: no food or water for a period of time (Exodus 34:28; Esther 4:16)
normal fast: only water, but no food or other drink (Nehemiah 1:4)
partial fast: usually only water, juices, and sometimes fruit (Daniel 1:12)
other things to fast from: people, media, telephone, certain activities/habits, etc.
Why should I fast on Good Friday?
As Christians, we fast on Good Friday because of sorrow at the loss of our Lord and the expectation of the resurrection on Easter, the intention of giving our individual relationship with God more depth and more seriousness of purpose, and the need to prepare spiritually for the celebration of Easter.
Personally, fasting during Good Friday would improve your focus on God and increase your time in prayer as Easter approaches. You will be dedicating yourself to Christ as you remember what He has done for you and as you prepare for Easter.
What does the Bible say?
Biblical examples: Moses (Exodus 34:28; Deut. 9:9,18), David (2 Samuel 12:16), Elijah (1 Kings 19:8), Nehemiah (Nehemiah 1:4); Esther (Esther 4:16), Daniel (Daniel 1:12), Anna (Luke 2:37), Paul (Acts 14:23), Jesus (Matthew 4:1-2), the early church (13:2).
Jesus placed fasting on the same level as financial giving and prayer (Matthew 6:1-18).
Jesus said that there is a time for fasting (Matthew 9:15).
Paul says we should give ourselves at times to prayer and fasting (1 Corinthians 7:5).
What is the purpose of fasting?
The primary purpose of fasting is to focus on God and to center our attention on Him. In doing so, we glorify God (Zechariah 7:5).
Outer fasting is to lead to inner prayer, worship, and devotion. We “fast on food so we can feast on God.”
Fasting is not for personal glory or any other selfish motives (Matthew 6:16-18).
Secondary purposes of fasting: fasting can reveal non-essential things that control us and take precedence in our lives (1 Corinthians 6:12); fasting can increase the effectiveness of prayer (2 Samuel 12:16); fasting can bring guidance from God in decisions (Acts 14:23); fasting can bring revelations (Acts 13:2); fasting can help our physical well-being (Daniel 1:12); fasting can aid in concentration; fasting can help bring deliverance for those who are in bondage.
What are the different types of fast?
absolute fast: no food or water for a period of time (Exodus 34:28; Esther 4:16)
normal fast: only water, but no food or other drink (Nehemiah 1:4)
partial fast: usually only water, juices, and sometimes fruit (Daniel 1:12)
other things to fast from: people, media, telephone, certain activities/habits, etc.
Why should I fast on Good Friday?
As Christians, we fast on Good Friday because of sorrow at the loss of our Lord and the expectation of the resurrection on Easter, the intention of giving our individual relationship with God more depth and more seriousness of purpose, and the need to prepare spiritually for the celebration of Easter.
Personally, fasting during Good Friday would improve your focus on God and increase your time in prayer as Easter approaches. You will be dedicating yourself to Christ as you remember what He has done for you and as you prepare for Easter.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
What Does it Mean to be Saved?
What does it mean to be saved? It means I'm no longer lost. To be lost doesn't necessarily mean you don't know where you are or where you want to go. Even before I trusted Christ I knew where I was and what I wanted out of life. I wanted a better marriage. I wanted peace of mind, significance, purpose and I wanted to be happy. Sure at times I thought I was on the right road. Everything looked right and felt right, but given enough time it always ended at a dead end - I was lost.
Since trusting Christ I'm saved - not lost. I can't say I have arrived yet at all I want in life, but I can say that I know where I am going and I know how to get there. I'm on the right road.
I've come to see that I don't just need Christ because I might die tomorrow. I need Christ because I might wake up tomorrow. Jesus doesn't just give me hope for heaven, he gives me direction for today. Jesus has saved me. I'm no longer lost.
Since trusting Christ I'm saved - not lost. I can't say I have arrived yet at all I want in life, but I can say that I know where I am going and I know how to get there. I'm on the right road.
I've come to see that I don't just need Christ because I might die tomorrow. I need Christ because I might wake up tomorrow. Jesus doesn't just give me hope for heaven, he gives me direction for today. Jesus has saved me. I'm no longer lost.
Monday, March 29, 2010
How Do You Help a Spouse that Has Been Sexually Abused? PART 4
4. Help them forgive the one(s) who abused them.
This will be the hardest step for most to take. Forgiveness isn't done once then it's done with. It has to be done repeatedly. Until a person chooses to forgive they are stuck. They may want to move on and even try to move on, but until they have forgiven their offender it is impossible to move on. Whenever the memory of the hurt is triggered, and often this happens on the subconscious level, the one wronged will be unable to resist certain emotions - emotions like, fear, anger, shame, sadness, depression, guilt, disgust, and even hopeless despair. They will be incapable of relating to you the way they want to until they have forgiven the wrong and rebuilt their thinking around the truth.
Forgiveness means, I release the offender from owing me anything. They key word is release. Does the person deserve forgiveness? Absolutely not! They don't deserve forgiveness any more than you or I deserved God's forgiveness. That's why God said, "Forgive one another as I have forgiven you in Christ Jesus." Do you have to trust the offender again? Absolutely not! Forgiveness is given freely, trust is earned. If a person forgives an offender does this mean the one who committed the wrong won't have to answer for the wrong? Absolutely not! Unless they repent and ask God's forgiveness God will give them the full punishment they deserve in the day of judgment. Forgiveness means this person doesn't have answer to you. Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for you. When you release the offender you are at the same time releasing yourself from the anger, sadness, depression, guilt and any other emotions associated with the unforgiveness.
Unfortunately forgiveness often isn't a one time deal. Your spouse will have to forgive repeatedly - every time the memory is triggered. The good news is that if they will live in this process of forgiving every time it comes to mind one day forgiveness will be complete. You want to know how you'll know when forgiveness is complete? Your spouse will be able to respond to you as though they were never abused.
Start the healing process today. Choose to forgive: Father, I forgive ______________ for the wrong(s) done to me. I release _____________ from owing me anything. I forgive in the same way you have forgiven me in Christ Jesus - undeserved. Thank you for helping me forgive. Father, by your grace I will forgive every time this memory is triggered. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
This will be the hardest step for most to take. Forgiveness isn't done once then it's done with. It has to be done repeatedly. Until a person chooses to forgive they are stuck. They may want to move on and even try to move on, but until they have forgiven their offender it is impossible to move on. Whenever the memory of the hurt is triggered, and often this happens on the subconscious level, the one wronged will be unable to resist certain emotions - emotions like, fear, anger, shame, sadness, depression, guilt, disgust, and even hopeless despair. They will be incapable of relating to you the way they want to until they have forgiven the wrong and rebuilt their thinking around the truth.
Forgiveness means, I release the offender from owing me anything. They key word is release. Does the person deserve forgiveness? Absolutely not! They don't deserve forgiveness any more than you or I deserved God's forgiveness. That's why God said, "Forgive one another as I have forgiven you in Christ Jesus." Do you have to trust the offender again? Absolutely not! Forgiveness is given freely, trust is earned. If a person forgives an offender does this mean the one who committed the wrong won't have to answer for the wrong? Absolutely not! Unless they repent and ask God's forgiveness God will give them the full punishment they deserve in the day of judgment. Forgiveness means this person doesn't have answer to you. Forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for you. When you release the offender you are at the same time releasing yourself from the anger, sadness, depression, guilt and any other emotions associated with the unforgiveness.
Unfortunately forgiveness often isn't a one time deal. Your spouse will have to forgive repeatedly - every time the memory is triggered. The good news is that if they will live in this process of forgiving every time it comes to mind one day forgiveness will be complete. You want to know how you'll know when forgiveness is complete? Your spouse will be able to respond to you as though they were never abused.
Start the healing process today. Choose to forgive: Father, I forgive ______________ for the wrong(s) done to me. I release _____________ from owing me anything. I forgive in the same way you have forgiven me in Christ Jesus - undeserved. Thank you for helping me forgive. Father, by your grace I will forgive every time this memory is triggered. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
How Do You Help a Spouse that Has Been Sexually Abused? PART 3
3. Talk about your feelings.
While you continue reaffirming your unconditional love and commitment, and focus on meeting your spouse's needs it is OK to discuss your feelings. In a perfect word we could say, "It's all about the other person", but we don't live in a perfect world. Acknowledging your feelings of disappointment, hurt, or even anger is important as well. The key is, DON'T blame. Debbie and I have found it helpful to say something like, "When we were talking yesterday and you said __________, if felt stupid." Or "Last night when we were together and _______ ______ I felt rejected." It's also helpful to say, "I know that wasn't what you intended." This is very different from saying, "When you said, _____________ you really hurt my feelings." The former let's you take responsibility for your feelings and the later cast blame and is sure to cause an argument, and worst of all, it tears your spouse down even lower. They may argue with you and blame you for causing the situation, but they'll still go away thinking, "I can't do anything right." This is exactly what you don't want to happen. Once you've shared your feelings you can discuss how to handle the situation if and when it happens again. Remember: Blaming the other person for how you feel may make you feel better for the moment but it moves you farther from the goal.
While you continue reaffirming your unconditional love and commitment, and focus on meeting your spouse's needs it is OK to discuss your feelings. In a perfect word we could say, "It's all about the other person", but we don't live in a perfect world. Acknowledging your feelings of disappointment, hurt, or even anger is important as well. The key is, DON'T blame. Debbie and I have found it helpful to say something like, "When we were talking yesterday and you said __________, if felt stupid." Or "Last night when we were together and _______ ______ I felt rejected." It's also helpful to say, "I know that wasn't what you intended." This is very different from saying, "When you said, _____________ you really hurt my feelings." The former let's you take responsibility for your feelings and the later cast blame and is sure to cause an argument, and worst of all, it tears your spouse down even lower. They may argue with you and blame you for causing the situation, but they'll still go away thinking, "I can't do anything right." This is exactly what you don't want to happen. Once you've shared your feelings you can discuss how to handle the situation if and when it happens again. Remember: Blaming the other person for how you feel may make you feel better for the moment but it moves you farther from the goal.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
How Do You Help a Spouse that Has Been Sexually Abused? PART 2
2. Focus on meeting your spouses needs.
The second step in helping your spouse deal with sexual abuse is to focus on meeting their three top needs. I know this stinks. You want to tell them to snap out of it. But they can't. If they could they would. They love you and want it as good romantically as you do, but they can't pull it off. It's important to remember here that you are not a bandage to hold them together . . . you are the God's healing salve!
She needs you to love her: She feels loved when the most important man in her life gives her AFFECTION (Guys, this is not foreplay, it is affection for the sake of showing affection). She needs HONEST, OPEN COMMUNICATION. She loves it when you engage her in meaningful conversation, and she needs COMMITMENT TO FAMILY. When you spend time with the kids you are saying to her, "I love you."
His needs are: RESPECT, and in man's terms respect means "she makes me feel like a man." He needs to be NEEDED, and he needs SEXUAL FULFILLMENT. If he has been sexually abused you can double the amount of repect he needs.
If you want to help them heal give yourself up for them. Sacrifice your desires for their good. In the words of another, "I doubt anyone ever reaches their full potential in life without someone giving up their life for them."
The second step in helping your spouse deal with sexual abuse is to focus on meeting their three top needs. I know this stinks. You want to tell them to snap out of it. But they can't. If they could they would. They love you and want it as good romantically as you do, but they can't pull it off. It's important to remember here that you are not a bandage to hold them together . . . you are the God's healing salve!
She needs you to love her: She feels loved when the most important man in her life gives her AFFECTION (Guys, this is not foreplay, it is affection for the sake of showing affection). She needs HONEST, OPEN COMMUNICATION. She loves it when you engage her in meaningful conversation, and she needs COMMITMENT TO FAMILY. When you spend time with the kids you are saying to her, "I love you."
His needs are: RESPECT, and in man's terms respect means "she makes me feel like a man." He needs to be NEEDED, and he needs SEXUAL FULFILLMENT. If he has been sexually abused you can double the amount of repect he needs.
If you want to help them heal give yourself up for them. Sacrifice your desires for their good. In the words of another, "I doubt anyone ever reaches their full potential in life without someone giving up their life for them."
Monday, March 15, 2010
How Do You Help a Spouse that Has Been Sexually Abused? PART 1
This is the final question from our Q & A time to wrap up our series: Sex, The Naked Truth.
Sexual abuse cripples a person's ability to perform sexually in the marriage. What makes this such an enigma is an abused spouse is often promiscuous, even aggressive sexually before marriage, which is only a sign the wound isn't healed. The hurts of the past are not like ink, they don't fade with time, they just get pushed away only to resurface each time the memory is triggered, I.e.your attempts at intimacy.
If you are living with a spouse that has experienced sexual abuse they are going to need your help.
1. The abused spouse needs a healthy dose of your unconditional love.
Your husband or wife might not be able to verbalize this and probably is not even aware of it, but they are caught in a cycle of blame. They often wrongly blame themselves for the abuse, and for the problems of relating to you romantically. Emotionally, this is a horribly painful cycle. Often attemps at intimacy trigger memories of the past derailing romantic feelings leaving your spouse confused and hurt, wondering, "What is wrong with me?" When you continue to push and blame them, their feelings of hurt are intensified and their reaction to you is to place you in the class of the abuser, "All you want is sex."
Remember the old westerns where the bad guy knocks the good sheriff over the head and locks him in his own jail? The bad guy escapes dropping the key just out of reach of the sheriff and the harder the sheriff reaches for the key the farther he pushes it away. That's what is happening in your marriage when you push or blame. Unconditional love gives your spouse room to fail without feeling like a failure. Blame almost never helps. But when you communicate, "It's OK. I love you. I understand. I'm here for you forever" you are giving them the first thing they need. In time your spouse will give you the key to intimacy.
Sexual abuse cripples a person's ability to perform sexually in the marriage. What makes this such an enigma is an abused spouse is often promiscuous, even aggressive sexually before marriage, which is only a sign the wound isn't healed. The hurts of the past are not like ink, they don't fade with time, they just get pushed away only to resurface each time the memory is triggered, I.e.your attempts at intimacy.
If you are living with a spouse that has experienced sexual abuse they are going to need your help.
1. The abused spouse needs a healthy dose of your unconditional love.
Your husband or wife might not be able to verbalize this and probably is not even aware of it, but they are caught in a cycle of blame. They often wrongly blame themselves for the abuse, and for the problems of relating to you romantically. Emotionally, this is a horribly painful cycle. Often attemps at intimacy trigger memories of the past derailing romantic feelings leaving your spouse confused and hurt, wondering, "What is wrong with me?" When you continue to push and blame them, their feelings of hurt are intensified and their reaction to you is to place you in the class of the abuser, "All you want is sex."
Remember the old westerns where the bad guy knocks the good sheriff over the head and locks him in his own jail? The bad guy escapes dropping the key just out of reach of the sheriff and the harder the sheriff reaches for the key the farther he pushes it away. That's what is happening in your marriage when you push or blame. Unconditional love gives your spouse room to fail without feeling like a failure. Blame almost never helps. But when you communicate, "It's OK. I love you. I understand. I'm here for you forever" you are giving them the first thing they need. In time your spouse will give you the key to intimacy.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Self-Esteem, PART I
Your self-esteem is critically important. Everything you do, the person you choose to marry, the career you choose, the hobies you persue, the way you respond to criticism or praise is all depedent on your sense of self-worth. So what is your mental picture of self, what do you think about yourself? The Bible says, "As a man thinks within himself, so is he." Your self-image has tremendous power to work for you or against you.
Ten questions to help detect a low self-image:
1. Was your childhood marked with parental abuse, parental neglect, parental ignorance, or parents who excercised overbearing authority?
2. Do you fear opening up, being real, and being vulnerable with those closest to you?
3. Do you get discrouraged easily.
4. Do you lack confidence, especially in decision making.
5. Do you have difficulty in admiting you were wrong, always need to be right, have difficulty in forgiving others?
6. Are you a driven person?
7. Are you cricial of others?
8. Are you a perfectionist?
9. Are you hard on yourself?
10. Do you indulge in escapisms (alcohol, drugs, or denial)?
Suggested Reading: Building Your Mates Self-Esteem by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. These ten questions were adapted from the Rainey's book on pages 28-37.
Ten questions to help detect a low self-image:
1. Was your childhood marked with parental abuse, parental neglect, parental ignorance, or parents who excercised overbearing authority?
2. Do you fear opening up, being real, and being vulnerable with those closest to you?
3. Do you get discrouraged easily.
4. Do you lack confidence, especially in decision making.
5. Do you have difficulty in admiting you were wrong, always need to be right, have difficulty in forgiving others?
6. Are you a driven person?
7. Are you cricial of others?
8. Are you a perfectionist?
9. Are you hard on yourself?
10. Do you indulge in escapisms (alcohol, drugs, or denial)?
Suggested Reading: Building Your Mates Self-Esteem by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. These ten questions were adapted from the Rainey's book on pages 28-37.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Vision Part 2
Consider the implications of this statement, "You are God's masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus to do the good works God prepared for you long ago." If I understand this right it means God has a vision for you. Therefore it makes sense if we are to discover our vision it must be within the things that matter to God.
The apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians saying, "God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." You know those desires you've been having to do something for God? They are not incidental thoughts, they are critical messages his Holy Spirit has been speaking to you.
Take a minute right now and revise the first draft of the vision you have for your marriage.
Here is my final draft:
I see my marriage being something that causes others to want what I have. Debbie and I are talking, laughing, spending time together, and she feels highly valued and has a great senses of self-worth. The two of us are working together to complete the calling we have on our lives. Our children are grown and each one is living to fulfill God's purposes for their lives.
The apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians saying, "God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." You know those desires you've been having to do something for God? They are not incidental thoughts, they are critical messages his Holy Spirit has been speaking to you.
Take a minute right now and revise the first draft of the vision you have for your marriage.
Here is my final draft:
I see my marriage being something that causes others to want what I have. Debbie and I are talking, laughing, spending time together, and she feels highly valued and has a great senses of self-worth. The two of us are working together to complete the calling we have on our lives. Our children are grown and each one is living to fulfill God's purposes for their lives.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Writting a Vision Statement
Crafting a vision statement isn't new, but most of us haven't thought about it outside of the corporate world. But when you think of what a vision is it makes perfect sense that you would want a clear picture of at least these three areas of life: marriage, family, and career.
Here is my completely nontechnical definition of a vision. A vision is a picture of what could be and should be. A vision is a clear picture of your preferred future. That means it is like looking at a picture - you can describe it in detail. Vision is important because your clear picture of the future gives direction, creates passion, which fuels determination. Without vision nothing worthwhile happens. Unfortunately countless couples have no vision for their financial future and when they come to the end of their working years there is nothing in the bank. Unfortunately countless couples have no vision for their marriage. Years drift by and couples drift apart.
Andy Stanley writes in his book, Visioneering, "And let's face it, much of what we do doesn't matter much when evaluated apart from some larger context of purpose. But take the minutia of this very day, drop it into the cauldron of God-ordained vision, stir them around, and suddenly there is purpose! Meaning! Adrenaline! It is the difference between filling bags with dirt and building a dike in order to save a town. There's nothing glamorous or fulfilling about filling bags with dirt. But saving a city is another thing altogether. building a dike gives meaning to the chore of filling bags with dirt. And so it is with vision." Suddenly, when you have vision, the mundane in marriage takes on new meaning giving direction for decisions, stirs up passion and fuels our determination for it to become reality.
What is your vision for your marriage? Take the fist step and write out a rough draft. Once you have your draft let is simmer for a day then attempt to refine it. What could be and what should be in your marriage?
Here is an example: When I think of what my marriage can become I see my spouse and I talking, laughing, enjoying time together. I see my spouse and I relating to each other sexually in a way that fulfills both our desires, honoring one another, giving preference to one another. I see our marriage growing into something others want to model.
One more comment for this post. Link your vision to the eternal. Don't miss this. God said, "You are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared before the foundation of the world." God has a plan and purpose for you and your marriage. What vision has he put in your heart? Go for it!
Here is my completely nontechnical definition of a vision. A vision is a picture of what could be and should be. A vision is a clear picture of your preferred future. That means it is like looking at a picture - you can describe it in detail. Vision is important because your clear picture of the future gives direction, creates passion, which fuels determination. Without vision nothing worthwhile happens. Unfortunately countless couples have no vision for their financial future and when they come to the end of their working years there is nothing in the bank. Unfortunately countless couples have no vision for their marriage. Years drift by and couples drift apart.
Andy Stanley writes in his book, Visioneering, "And let's face it, much of what we do doesn't matter much when evaluated apart from some larger context of purpose. But take the minutia of this very day, drop it into the cauldron of God-ordained vision, stir them around, and suddenly there is purpose! Meaning! Adrenaline! It is the difference between filling bags with dirt and building a dike in order to save a town. There's nothing glamorous or fulfilling about filling bags with dirt. But saving a city is another thing altogether. building a dike gives meaning to the chore of filling bags with dirt. And so it is with vision." Suddenly, when you have vision, the mundane in marriage takes on new meaning giving direction for decisions, stirs up passion and fuels our determination for it to become reality.
What is your vision for your marriage? Take the fist step and write out a rough draft. Once you have your draft let is simmer for a day then attempt to refine it. What could be and what should be in your marriage?
Here is an example: When I think of what my marriage can become I see my spouse and I talking, laughing, enjoying time together. I see my spouse and I relating to each other sexually in a way that fulfills both our desires, honoring one another, giving preference to one another. I see our marriage growing into something others want to model.
One more comment for this post. Link your vision to the eternal. Don't miss this. God said, "You are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared before the foundation of the world." God has a plan and purpose for you and your marriage. What vision has he put in your heart? Go for it!
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