2. Focus on meeting your spouses needs.
The second step in helping your spouse deal with sexual abuse is to focus on meeting their three top needs. I know this stinks. You want to tell them to snap out of it. But they can't. If they could they would. They love you and want it as good romantically as you do, but they can't pull it off. It's important to remember here that you are not a bandage to hold them together . . . you are the God's healing salve!
She needs you to love her: She feels loved when the most important man in her life gives her AFFECTION (Guys, this is not foreplay, it is affection for the sake of showing affection). She needs HONEST, OPEN COMMUNICATION. She loves it when you engage her in meaningful conversation, and she needs COMMITMENT TO FAMILY. When you spend time with the kids you are saying to her, "I love you."
His needs are: RESPECT, and in man's terms respect means "she makes me feel like a man." He needs to be NEEDED, and he needs SEXUAL FULFILLMENT. If he has been sexually abused you can double the amount of repect he needs.
If you want to help them heal give yourself up for them. Sacrifice your desires for their good. In the words of another, "I doubt anyone ever reaches their full potential in life without someone giving up their life for them."
