Your self-esteem is critically important. Everything you do in life from choosing the person you will marry, the career you will seek, the hobbies you persue, the way you respond to criticism or praise is all dependent on your sense of self-esteem. Your self-esteem is your mental picture of self, what do you think about yourself. The Bible says, "As a man thinks within himself, so is he." Your self-image has tremendous power to work for you or against you. Therefore, it is essential we develop a healthy self-image.
Here are five essentials for developing a healthy self-esteem.
1. Recognize you are not alone in your struggle. Dennis and Barbara Rainey were amazed when they began hosting marriage life conferences to discover that the rich and famous, the banker, superstar athlete, and the super model all struggle to accept themselves. When you begin to watch the signs of self-rejection you’ll begin to see them in the most popular kids at school. Everyone struggles with a low-self image. EVERYONE.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. James Dobson says, “Comparison is the root of a low-self worth.” You can’t win when you compare yourself to others because there is ALWAYS someone who makes you look inferior. Paul said, "When you compare and class yourself with others you are without understanding.” That means you lose your point of reference. Stop it! Commit to God you will deal with this. Agree to confess it to a friend. Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:12 "We are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding."
3. Focus on your areas of strengths. When you serve, work, compete in an area where you have natural abilities you experience success. Do things that make you proud of yourself. There is nothing like success to help a person feel good about themselves.
4. Be a friend. This step could easily be "apply the principle of sowing and reaping." Here's what I'm talking about. Everyone around you is struggling with self-esteem issues. When someone does something dumb you can do one of two things. You can laugh and make what they did known or you can cover for the person and be a friend. You can bet if you reveal their mistake it will come back to you. In the same way if you cover for them you can bet that it will come back to you as well. Your new friend will look for ways to protect you and build into your self-worth. When you realize this you will be better equipped to make friends and to make use of the law of sowing and reaping.
5. Face your fears. There is no way around it. Sooner or later you have to face the monster that has kept you trapped for years. Get alone and identify the things you least like about yourself (make a list). After you make the list go back and identify the ones that plague you most. Which ones most occupy your thought life? Next share your struggles with a trusted friend who will help you deal with and overcome these things.
What about those things you can’t change? The wisest thing you can do is change the things you can and accept the things you can’t - remember the serenity prayer – “Lord, grant me the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to accept the things I cannot.” It is these things you cannot change that make you unique and are shaping you for a greater service and preparing you to experience God’s power in a greater way (2 Corinthians 12). Facing your fears is huge. Once I had accepted my limitations they didn’t go away, therefore, I had to chose to not let them control me. I faced them head on and they rarely attack me any more, but when they do I come back to this step - change the things I can and accept the things I can't.
6. Recall who God used most. God has always chosen people with weaknesses to change the world (I.e. Moses (not a good speaker) Paul (not very good looking, maybe even ugly or gross from an eye diseases) David (young and inexperienced), the disciples (psychological studies have been done on the 11 as presented in the N.T. and it is estimated that not one had an IQ over 100. That’s low. None of these guys would make it in our school systems today). God said, “I have chosen the weak and foolish of this world to shame the wise.”
May you, like Paul and countless others, find God's grace sufficient for you. "His power is perfected in weakness."
Craig
