3. Talk about your feelings.
While you continue reaffirming your unconditional love and commitment, and focus on meeting your spouse's needs it is OK to discuss your feelings. In a perfect word we could say, "It's all about the other person", but we don't live in a perfect world. Acknowledging your feelings of disappointment, hurt, or even anger is important as well. The key is, DON'T blame. Debbie and I have found it helpful to say something like, "When we were talking yesterday and you said __________, if felt stupid." Or "Last night when we were together and _______ ______ I felt rejected." It's also helpful to say, "I know that wasn't what you intended." This is very different from saying, "When you said, _____________ you really hurt my feelings." The former let's you take responsibility for your feelings and the later cast blame and is sure to cause an argument, and worst of all, it tears your spouse down even lower. They may argue with you and blame you for causing the situation, but they'll still go away thinking, "I can't do anything right." This is exactly what you don't want to happen. Once you've shared your feelings you can discuss how to handle the situation if and when it happens again. Remember: Blaming the other person for how you feel may make you feel better for the moment but it moves you farther from the goal.
